the sensacist: June 2006

Message for Colombia

You win! Give us back our children.

THE SENSACIST PRESENTS: When Things Were Actually Cool

Does anyone remember when things were actually cool? I don't because I wasn't born.

Chic - Everybody Dance video (1978)

often i ask myself, where would i be without chic? and the answer is, i don't know. i know i joke around a lot but chic is truly the greatest band of all time. they embody all that is good and true about the world like dancing, partying, doing drugs, having anonymous sex and wearing polyester.

please people revel in the glory that was chic, 1978, and the beginning of the decline.

GLOBAL WARMING RULES!!!!

just kidding.
global warming is a fat nasty cunt.

Russian Word of the Day

Urod

Meaning: check the picture

JESSICA ALBA HAS A TRAMP STAMP

and its fucking ugly as shit.

T Gusta El Bukkake?

this rules. where the fuck is dakota fanning?

Gil Mantera's Party Dream Covers Dreams

breathless!

so anyone with half a brain knows that all this "hipster" shit is over. anyone with the other half of the brain knows that the word, "hipster" is nothing new and has been around since the jazz era. now don't get me wrong, there is a specific process that some young urban individuals go through during which they begin to dress a certain way, imbibe certain substances, listen to certain music, associate with other people of a similar ilk and so forth. i went through this and was ridiculed by haters although i have admitted it and can now move on. however, there are still some people who refuse to admit this because they are stuck in a perpetual, drug fueled adolescence. they are called skaters.

the point is, all this shit is fucking over. look at the picture , try not to vom, yes, i'm really sad too that i can't wear big sunglasses and belts anymore because i love that shit but this, people, is officially the end.

SO OVER IT!!!

GIL MANTERA'S PARTY DREAM: THE AFTERMATH

the aftermath is that i am hungover as shit, vaguely homicidal and guzzling an industrial size bottle of smart water.

"gil mantera's party dream is like a laser beam shooting straight into the collective unconscious only to find it is full of spandex pants, black mesh, the ghost of joe cocker and stevie knicks on crack" - lipstick dipshitz

GIL MANTERA'S PARTY DREAM IS THE GREATEST BAND IN THE HISTORY OF TIME

atleast after 5 cocktails. no for real people, my mind was totally blown last night as i experienced this band live. i expected to be entertained and i also wanted to be forcefully ejected from the venue. unfortunately neither occurred, instead i was transported to a land of electrorockcrunk strange spandex penis gyrations, unadulterated homoeroticism and pure bliss.

i can't even fully comment on this yet except to say that during their cover of Fleetwood Mac's, "Dreams," i might have seen god.

the most memorable moment of the evening was probably when they proclaimed that they had to stop playing so they could leave and "stick their boners in some weird girls." is this why people hate hipsters?

seriously though, i don't know where this band is from but i do know where they are going -- STRAIGHT TO THE TOP!

The Urban Cookie Collective! One of the greatest bands of all time.

The 90s ruled.

check out this dude's collection of sick 90s dance posters:
www.webdjs.ch/poster.htm

20 Fingers - Short Dick Man

because as the sensacist always says: life is too short for small penises!

MISGUIDED HEADLINE/IDEA/USE OF MONEY OF THE DAY

Once tacky resort city gets more class

Some excerpts:

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. - Move over kitsch; step aside, tackiness. Make a little more room for the newest feature of this resort city: upscale shops and eateries.

While some of the stores are standard mall fare — think Victoria's Secret, Gymboree and the Apple Store — some are super high-end. A whole level is dedicated to couture, where the floors are blue terrazzo marble and the shops sell Burberry clothes, Tiffany jewelry and Tourneau watches (classy!).

While other casinos have themes such as the Wild West and Ancient Rome, the Borgata emanates luxury and hipness. Scantily clad waitresses patrol the casino floor, the rooms have showers built for two and tour buses are not courted for their normally low-rent business. (can someone explain to me how scantily clad waitresses and showers built for two means hip? this to me means "herpes")

On Friday, the Borgata is scheduled to open a $200 million expansion, featuring restaurants by Wolfgang Puck, Bobby Flay and Michael Mina (you can buy wolfgang puck frozen food at the supermarket), along with a second night club, an upscale food court and a new 85-table poker room. (YAHOO NEWS)

New Jersey please stop trying!!!! It ain't never gonna work.

SENSACIST QUIZ: Are you a bitch?

a) do you often call your friends and loved ones, "cunt," "slut," "whore," "hipster, "bitch," "jew," "fag" or something similar
b) are you disgusted by most people and things you encounter on a day to day basis?
c) do you feel like most things are "trash?"
d) do you often drink heavily?
e) do you insult strangers behind their backs and to their faces?
f) do you think you are better than everyone?
g) do you think most people have no taste?

if you answered yes to any of these questions you are probably a bitch and if you answered yes to all you are probably a sensacist.

SO OVER IT

Russian Word of the Day

Meaning: Dude! Bro! Man!

I found the picture below on a google image search for "russian dude." Its from a website called "chump.com" and the series of pictures is entitled "wallstreet doomsday." This is actually amazing and very intense.

THE SENSACIST PRESENTS: RESTAURANT REVIEWS

so yesterday a friend and I made a pilgrimmage to one of the nation's finest restaurants, l'homard rouge, la langosta roja, i am talking of course, people, about red lobster! this place is great. i will have pictures of the actual feast shortly but i just couldn't wait to spread the word that you should not spend your hard earned money on such trash joints as blt fish or daniel or bette or pastis or wherever the nouveau-riche people and their model girlfriends, who pretend to eat, go.

red lobster is the shit.

so naturally, neither my friend nor i ate anything for a few days before so as to fully prepare for the gentle assault that RL's delicious food would have upon our stomachs and waistlines.

the picture above is of the ultimate feast which i, of course, indulged in. the feast features lobster tail, snow crab legs, shrimp scampi and fried shrimp. this is a steal at 27.99! my companion savored the fabulous lobster chops (trademark) and we both enjoyed the delicious salad and of course, the world famous cheese biscuits. we also discovered, people, that red lobster only serves ameripure (trademark) oysters. check out the site, looks a bit shade! (www.ameripure.com)

anyway, we washed down all of this outstanding sustenance with some mexcellent margaritas that contained more sugar than i have consumed in about 3 months.

all in all, this was a fabulous experience and i highly recommend this restaurant for all of your special event and dining needs.

Red Lobster, 5 Times Square, New York, NY 10036. Entrees 13.99-81.99 (for you big spenders!) HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

This is My New Hero

This is Father Jonathan Morris and he is a hard-hitting reporter for foxnews.com, my favorite website. He is also a priest and stunningly handsome. Here he is with a heartbreaking story of betrayal, denial, love, sex, soccer and of course, Russians!

World Cup Sex Industry Uncovered — Part III
by Father Jonathan Morris for FOX Fan Central

In the last two days I’ve interviewed three girls from similar backgrounds that I want to tell you about. Each has gone her separate way.

Shasha is Russian and looks the part. She moves quickly, smiles quickly (although rarely), works hard, and gets things done. Her hotel manager surely loves her.

For two days she watched my colleagues and me work, but never said a thing. Last night she broke the silence. “Why do you wear that around your neck?" she asked.

“I’m a priest," I said. “It’s called a clerical collar and it signifies my dedication to God."

“And the television camera?” she retorted.

There was no camera in sight. She must have seen Barnaby lugging the equipment around the reception area earlier.

“Well, we are here in Germany to do a story for American television. It is about human trafficking and legal prostitution in relation to the World Cup."

She gave a quick, forced smile, and with that she left.

Her abrupt departure was revealing. I called her back and asked if we could talk for a moment. She refused politely and signaled toward the kitchen. She said she was very busy. And I’m sure she was.

As I left the restaurant she strolled by again.

“Okay, I’ll talk with you." That’s all she said.

A half an hour later she was weeping. “I made a big mistake. I will be a shame for my children.”

She went on to tell me the harrowing story of her departure from Russia. She was poor, but her parents were good and ordinary folk. In a moment of youthful rebellion and a healthy desire for self-improvement, she agreed to go with a group of her friends to work in Germany. They were told they would be dancers. In the back of her mind, Shasha knew it might not be pretty. It wasn’t.

When she arrived in Munich she was placed in an apartment with seven other girls. Her passport was taken. She danced, but she was only paid for her extra work. It was prostitution. She recalled how she cried every day for two years, and still cries. “I wanted to go home, but I couldn’t. Or maybe I could, but I didn’t know how. I was afraid, above all, for my parents.”

She wouldn’t say more. Shasha was eventually released to return to Russia, after pleading with her employers to allow her to visit her sick parents. A month later she was back in Germany, but this time on her own and determined to make an honest living.

“It’s very hard…very, very hard. Here I work too much, but I don’t cry." Shasha knows her past will never leave her mind. She has not decided if she will marry or have children.

God bless, Father Jonathan (FOX NEWS)

Daft Punk - Face To Face

Is this the hottest Daft Punk song? Who knows? They have so many hot songs!! I once got into a slight tiff with this guy about this very question. This individual also called me a "hipster" based on my outfit although this motherfucker lives in a loft in East Williamsburg (Bushwick) and is obsessed with his bicycle. The one difference between me and him: he's ugly.

Who's that Preggers Eastern European or Possibly Eurasian Prostitute??

Oh shit! Its Britney!!! ALL HAIL. All Hail. all hail.
I'm done.

Who's this Shitty Band of the Day?

I have no idea. They have a lame name and I saw them on Myspace. I'm sure they have "fans" a.k.a. people who don't know any better. Why is everyone in a band? Why does every band sound the same? Is it just an excuse for repressed homosexuals to rub up against each other and feel glory?
So over it.

BOY GEORGE ORDERED TO SANITATION DEPARTMENT

NEW YORK - Boy George, garbage man. The one-time Culture Club singer will do five days of court-ordered community service as an employee of the Department of Sanitation, a spokesman for the city agency confirmed Tuesday.

"He will be part of our team," said sanitation spokesman Keith Mellis. "We won't know exactly what he will be doing for several weeks, though." (Yahoo News)

This rules. I know what he will be doing. Blowing rails and blowing cocks.
Don't do drugs kids!

Evil Woman - ELO

The 70s ruled. Will someone please buy me a smoke machine??

Crackhouse is truly one of the greatest films of the modern era if not of all time. Rick and Melissa are a pair of young lovers hoping to get out of the slums for good and escape the poverty and crime their families and friends have gotten involved in. All this comes to an end when Rick feels he must rejoin his old gang to avenge the killing of his brother by a rival gang. In the course of getting even, Rick is arrested, leaving Melissa without anyone to protect her. She falls in with a crack dealer and quickly becomes addicted to the drug. When she gets sold to a drug kingpin by a minor dealer to pay off a debt, only Rick can save her. This movie is raw.

I saw this late night on some movie channel and I was immediately hooked. The only downside is that it does not feature Billy Dee Williams and I love Billy Dee Williams.

Depeche Mode - Lie To Me

Everyone knows how much I love Depeche and this is one of my favorite songs all of time. The lyrics are incredible and as you see everyone is really feeling it. I love the flat top! He can't sing! They rule! Don't do drugs kids!

bounce baby bounce

Misguided Lyrics of the Day

From the Village People's seminal 1979 album, "Live and Sleazy," I present to you an excerpt from the opus, "Ready for the 80s:"

Listen to me baby
The world
Talkin' 'bout this world
Belongs to you
It belongs to you
The world I know I know I know
It belongs to me
It belongs to me
I'm ready for the eighties things look positive
I'm ready and I've got a lot of love to give
There's hope in ev'ry heart and love on ev'ry face
The eighties promise ev'rything is just gonna be great

Russian Word of the Day

meaning: coconut!
also for you newly minted moscow millionaires: cocaine!

Message for Marc Jacobs:

So Pharrell is the new face of LV. This is what Marc Jacobs had to say:

"We brought to this campaign a touch of the street, elevated to a rich, modern chic that embodies the message of our ready-to-wear accessories and bags. Working with beautiful, iconic, and powerful faces, we created compositions that boldly display Vuitton's exquisite, super-luxe style." (Yahoo Music)

I just vomed a little in my mouth. Marc Jacobs please go back to making shit like this:

(NY Mag)

Mount Sims - Ashes

All hail the decline of western civilization!

This is Anton.
He is from Russia.
He introduced me to the song above and we both agree that it rules although the video is a bit art school 8ball fantastic.
He is also not a "hipster."