TWAN ON TESTICLE ATTACK



"jesus...what a whore...she should get the death penalty, or someone should rip her breast off and make dinner."

--twan

HOLY FUCK

Woman Jailed For Testicle Attack

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.
Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

Monti admitted wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.

'Pulled hard'

Sentencing Monti, Judge Charles James said it was "a very serious injury" and that Monti was not acting in self defence.

The court heard that Mr Jones had ended his long-term but "open relationship" with Monti towards the end of May last year.

The pair remained on good terms and on 30 May she picked him up from a party in Crosby and went back for drinks with friends at Mr Jones's house.

An argument ensued and Mr Jones said there was a struggle between them.

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard".

I am in no way a violent person

Amanda Monti

He added: "That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain."

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it.

She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

In a letter to the court, Monti said she was sorry for what she had done.

She said: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person."

The letter added: "I have challenged myself to explain what has happened but still I just cannot remember. This has caused much anguish to me and will do for the rest of my life."

LIFE LESSONS, PERSONAL TROOFS, SMALL VICTORIES

over the past three months the sensacist has had to confront some very darksided things and yes, people, i am talking more darksided than squared toed shoes. anyway, there are a few life lessons that i am eager to share with you -

1. men are poison
2. sex is wrong
3. narcissism is paramount
4. drinking excessively while having pms is a bad idea
5. the more bullshit your mouth is able to produce the more successful you will be in life
6. being in your 20s blows
7. new jersey really isn't that bad
8. carpet should be banned under penalty of death
9. alekyss k. tyler is the messiah
10. being alive rules! (sometimes.)

kisses.

HOMOSEXUAL CONTROVERSY OF THE DAY



twan: did u hear that matty went to dinner at pizzeria uno
moi: why is this a big deal?
twan: on a saturday night! ew

TWAN ON DESIGN



Are you designing or just looking pretty? Design ain't about smarts! Its about looking pretty!

--twan

Hmmm...

ISRAEL POUNDS MILITARY TARGETS IN GAZA

am i the only one who gets sort of turned on by headlines like this?




you people know how i feel about jewz.

I DON'T KNOW WHATS GOING ON HERE BUT I LIKE IT



i'm back people. sorry for the long hiatus. my life has been crazier than an undocumented worker on strong island. i have no idea what that means. but i'm back so prepare yourselves for some flagrant faggotry, foul language, generally offensive behavior and an all around good time.

SORRY!!!

sorry i've been so m.i.a., school started so i basically have no life anymore, whatevs. for your enjoyment, the debate continues:


i dont understand it, i dont understand why global warming is an epidemic and fat people arent, they need to put them into camps, fat camps, and make them normal again or tax fat people more. i am so pro taxing them more. then they will get skinny, once u tax them more, once u make them pay for two air plane seats, once you deny them subway seats cause they take up two (and it strictly says in the MTA bible that its 1 seat per person). then they will stop stuffing their faces! why do we need to suffer! im telling u as i have just weeks ago... that their rolls of fat are ruining fashion! and now look at this article! whats next??

--twan

TWAN ON FAT PEOPLE (ROUND III)


so when i was shopping yesterday i decided that not only do fat people ruin the environment they also ruin fashion. i wanted to get a dinner jacket and every single one of them is so gross and big and long. im like this is j lindenberg, this is prada, this is agnes b... these things are supposed to be fitted for skinny people!...its these fat americans...im sorry size 10 is not average! nor is size 34!! wtf! and i love how some stores decided they dont make xtra smalls anymore...i had to go to a japanese store to find my size!

--twan

THE SENSACIST PRESENTS: everything is everything, commentary on the nature of things



so today i got to thinking about something that i have thought about for a long time. this is that the more things change, the more they stay the same. in particular, i was thinking about how back in the day, there was a marquis de sade and today we have sade. i found this amusing. am i totally insane?